


Dirty Bird

by nochick_fics



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Humor, M/M, Short One Shot, Thanksgiving
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-21
Updated: 2018-05-21
Packaged: 2019-05-09 18:09:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14721041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nochick_fics/pseuds/nochick_fics
Summary: Roy and Ed decide to make Thanksgiving dinner for their friends.  Ed becomes distracted.





	Dirty Bird

**Author's Note:**

  * For [anotherFMAfan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/anotherFMAfan/gifts).



> Written in 2013. The prompt was celery. (Don't ask. :-)

As their guests entertained themselves in the living room, Roy and Ed were busy in the kitchen, bumping into the counter and the fridge and the oven and each other while preparing their first ever Thanksgiving feast. Although they hadn’t burned the house down (yet), the experience was quickly proving to be a trying one for the culinary amateurs.  
  
“Why the hell did we agree to do this?” Ed asked as he stopped mauling, a.k.a. peeling, potatoes long enough to gnaw on the one stalk of celery that did not end up in Roy’s weird-looking homemade stuffing. He frowned at the taste of it--or lack thereof--and grabbed a container of peanut butter from the cabinet, whereupon he jammed the stalk directly into it.  
  
“Would it kill you to use a spoon or a knife?” Roy paused for a moment, considered who he was talking to, and then added, “Never mind.”  
  
He started cramming handfuls of stuffing into the turkey just as the oven beeped, signaling that it had reached the desired temperature.  
  
“Anyway,” he continued. “We agreed to do this because we’ve never hosted a holiday dinner before.”  
  
The two men looked around at the ruin that was their kitchen.  
  
“And now I see why,” Ed muttered, popping the last bite of celery into his mouth.  
  
He watched as Roy filled the turkey, studying the way that the man’s hand moved in and out of the large bird in a somewhat obscene manner as he pushed the stuffing deep inside of it. Or maybe it was just obscene to Ed because he could see something sexual anytime and anywhere if he looked hard enough, particularly when it came to his partner.  
  
For that reason, it was no surprise at all that he was getting turned on by the sight of Roy Mustang with his hand up a turkey’s butt, practically fisting the damn thing.  
  
“Okay, Ed. Now I need you to…”  
  
Roy stopped talking when he looked at Ed’s face. He knew that expression very well. He just wasn’t quite sure why he was seeing it right now, of all moments.  
  
“What are you doing?” he asked as the blond slowly advanced towards him… with a bottle of extra virgin olive oil. “Ed? What the...  _oh_.”  
  
*****  
  
Riza walked into the kitchen.  
  
And immediately walked back out.  
  
“How’s everything going in there?” Jean asked as she sat down in a chair, her face frozen in a cringe.  
  
Riza snatched the man’s beer and took a healthy swig for herself.  
  
“Well,” she began, helping herself to his cigarette as well. “Let’s just say that the turkey isn’t the  _only_  thing getting stuffed today.”


End file.
